Friday, March 2nd .....

It’s Marilyn’s birthday.  I realise I shouldn’t give away her age but, in compliance with the traditions of our generation, she is between 2 and 4 years younger than me.  We’re still camping so we celebrated with dinner at the local pub and a carefully-chosen card this morning,

I pride myself on the cards I’ve chosen over the many years.  I try to avoid the over-sentimental ones and aim for something tasteful and elegant with a nice verse.  However, I’m finding it harder and harder to find what I want.  There’s been a dumbing-down to the lowest common denominator in cardland.  I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before.

I am astounded at how many cards intended for a female spouse are humorous.  Are some men really so insensitive that they think that a card making fun of her age will do the trick?  Take it from me, birthdays are not a time for jokes.  It’s traumatic enough for your dearly-beloved to scratch off another year on the wall of her metaphoric cell; don’t expect her to laugh about it as well.

I know about birthdays.  Don’t forget that I’ve had 70 of them and I can tell you, it’s safer to go overboard with sentimentality than hope to tickle her funny-bone.

I did notice another trend in the world of greeting cards.  Among the flowery, lolly-pink and gushy cards were a couple of plainer ones.  Square, no nonsense, pinkish but not girly, some horizontal lines on the cover and, in bold capitals the words

                                WIFE

                   HAPPY BIRTHDAY

 

Are they serious?  Not even a comma to give it some grammatical merit.  What kind of fool is going to give his soul-mate and life-partner a card which reads WIFE HAPPY BIRTHDAY?  No graphics of flowers, or nostalgic scenes from a more romantic time.  No, just WIFE HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Is this an example of the new-minimalism?  If so, forget it.  I don’t believe that women get the concept of minimalism.  Just think about it.  Most blokes would usually be happy with a chair to sit in and a table to hold up his bits and pieces, but his wife will insist on a three-piece suite and matching chiffonier.  Most of us men would be content with a post-it note saying happy birthday, but you can’t treat your wife like that.

Anyway, I can just imagine the staff at the card shop giggling when they imagine the reception which awaits the hapless idiot who has bought one of their minimalist cards in blissful ignorance.

I can’t help thinking of those ludicrous American TV hosts who challenge their male viewers to give their wife a crappy present and video her reaction.  All in the name of humour.  The stupid men get what they deserve but the TV hosts get better ratings.  Such is life!