Monday, December 2

 The 'silly season' is almost upon us.  Today will be the first of the Christmas events one or other of us feel obliged to attend; Marilyn is gathering her strength to get dressed up for her Probus Christmas Lunch.  The committee of her club decided it would be 'fun' if everybody wore a decorated Christmas hat so Marilyn spent yesterday putting together something appropriate for her head.  It has baubles and tinsel and ribbons.  The husbands aren't invited so I'll not have the pleasure of the enjoying the anticipated 'Hat Parade'.

It's the Men's Probus Christmas Barbecue next week and we've invited our wives to attend as well. There's been no suggestion that we wear funny hats or anything at all Christmassy.   Is it because the men are too insecure to wear funny hats or is it because we just have more natural dignity?  I know what I believe.

Today's story is Piano Man, based on a real event.

PIANO MAN                                                                                        NOVEMBER  3, 2023

I won’t introduce myself because, if all goes well, I’ll have a new title in a day or so, when I finish my training.  Yes, I’m on my last assignment and it’s going very well.  I’m a Trainee Guardian Angel and, for the next few days, I have to follow this old gentleman around, watch he doesn’t get into too much trouble and report back to my boss on his progress.

Perhaps, the best thing I can do is to let you have a look at this report I’ve written on an incident which has unfolded over the last few days.

REPORT ON SUBJECT CHR2572, SEPTEMBER 2015

DAY 1.  Subject is currently in the Philippines, travelling with friends in a car and has stopped at what seems to be a school.  The group of four individuals, including Subject CHR2572, enters the school leaving the driver of the vehicle behind.

The group is clearly engaged in a fact-finding mission as they are questioning various members of staff that they meet.  One woman has explained that the school is in need of much help and one significant issue is that they are very short of chairs for the students to sit on.  New students are asked to bring a chair from home but many local families are very poor and many don’t have a chair to spare.  She is asking that the provision of new chairs be a priority for any help that can be offered.

CHR2572’s host, whose name is Kit, is enthusiastic and proposes that she organise a function to raise funds to purchase chairs for this school which has been recently established by the community.

Later, Kit announces that she will organise a party at her home and invite the people who attend to contribute 700 pesos each to purchase a chair.

DAY 6  On the evening of the party, about 25-30 people are in attendance.  Kit has organised a karaoke machine and people are enjoying themselves, singing along to the music.  Without warning, Kit announces that there is to be a competition which will raise more money for the purchase of chairs.

She will invite CHR2572, whom she calls John, to sing a song of his choice.  His score will be recorded and, anyone else who would like to sing will endeavour to beat his score.  If the singer is unable to beat John’s score, he or she will be fined the cost of a chair.  There is great excitement as CHR2572 prepares for his performance.  He selects Piano Man by Billy Joel, a popular choice.  There is a buzz of conversation as people predict what his score might be: some of the more generous ones suggest scores in the 80s, others scornfully say 25 or 30. 

CHR2572 clears his throat and waits for the introduction of the song.  When the appropriate place is reached, he begins strongly, “It’s 9 o’clock on a Saturday ….”

There is a hush in the crowd as it is realised that CHR2572 has chosen a song which is well within his range and not too difficult to sing.  If he can just hold his nerve, he might well score in the high 80s or even in the 90s.  In any event, he will be difficult to beat.

“Sing us a song, you’re the Piano Man,”  the song reaches its climax and CHR2572 is showing no signs of losing control as he prepares for the big finish.  When the last note is sung, in John’s mind, pitch-perfect, the crowd erupts in generous applause.  Kit is starting to wonder if she made a mistake.  If John’s score is too high, people might be disinclined to attempt to beat it and her hopes of gathering enough funds for an extra 20 or 30 chairs might not be realised.

All talking ceases as people focus on the score which is appearing on the screen: it scrolls through the 40s, 50s, 60s, it’s going to be a good one, 70s, 80s, surely it won’t be in the 90s? … but it finally reaches 100!  The whole audience erupts in excitement.  This particular group enjoys karaoke frequently but 100 is a rare score.

Kit’s heart sinks.  Surely nobody will bother with the karaoke now that John has reached 100.  She needn’t have worried.  Everyone becomes intent on matching his score and Kit manages to raise more funds than she thought possible.  A total of fifty chairs were delivered to the school during the following week, making a huge difference to the children of that community.

CONCLUSION OF REPORT:  Subject CHR2572, is certainly showing signs of ageing but is still prepared to try new activities and is enjoying some success.  I’m hopeful that the current smug look on his face will subside in the next day or two.