Friday, June 27

 

June 27,2025

Sandra, the cleaning lady has arrived and I'm banished to my desk so I don't get in the way.  We had the young man from Nepal for the last couple of weeks; I suppose the management likes to shake things up so their staff don't get too familiar with the clients.

There was a letter in yesterday's mail from MyAged Care, summarising what had been agreed at my last assessment and confirming that the funding had been approved.  There was an authorisation order for a cutlery set with fat handles and that's already been delivered at no charge, and a fellow has already installed some grab rails in the showers.  I will get a bill for those although the government pays for the installation.

The big item is an electric lift chair and the paperwork referred me to a website.  I know that I will need a report from an Occupational Therapist before I can get one of these but the cheapest chair on the website was about $2500!  Madness!  I can buy one online from Kogan for less than $500.

Is it possible that the company which has won the contract to supply the government is ripping them off?

It's all academic, anyway.  There's a long way to go before I can start re-equipping the loungeroom.

LONG LOST BROTHER                                                                                          MARCH 8, 2024

“Blast!” said the king.  “In fact, Bugger!”   He was clearly upset.

“Don’t swear, dear,” said the queen.“  It’s unseemly.”

“That’s all very well, but it’s this note,” Charles moaned. “It’s the last thing I need.  As if we don’t have enough to worry about with Harry and Meghan … and Andrew, of course.  Do you think it’s too much to hope that this is a hoax?”

“Oh, I don’t know, dear,“  Camilla was sympathetic. “You know what they say about Diana in her later years.  Anything in trousers …”

“Oh, don’t!  You know it upsets me just to think about it.  Now, what are we going to do about this fellow claiming to be Diana’s offspring?  And, if it’s true, how do we tell William and Harry they have another brother?”

“Let’s not cross that bridge until we get to it, dear.  The first thing we have to do is to make sure that we know the truth.  Is he, or is he not, a previously unknown brother to William and Harry? And how on earth did Diana carry it off: being pregnant for months and having a baby without anyone finding out?”

The king put his head in his hands and moaned.  Camilla rang the bell to summon the King’s private secretary and, when she heard the discreet tap at the door called for him to come in.

“Good morning, your Majesties,” said the suave, well-dressed personage who entered the room.

“Good morning, Sir Clive.  Are you well?” said the Queen. “I’m afraid we’ve had some rather upsetting news and hope that you can lend a hand to sort it out.”

“Of course, your majesty, I will do whatever I can to assist.”

The king was still moaning and had started to rock gently from side to side, so the Queen quickly filled Sir Clive in with the details of the message they had received, including the fact that it had not come in the mail but had been found on the King’s bedside table when the footman had woken him that morning.  How it had been placed there overnight was just another mystery.

“Hmm!” murmured Sir Clive. “This is certainly a puzzle.  May I ask, sir, whether you believe there may be any truth in the accusation?”

“How the deuce would I know?” the king burst out. “She was a blasted mystery to me from Day 1.  For all I know she could have produced a whole cricket team of children, with a couple of reserves, and the umpires as well.”

“Calm down, dear,” murmured the queen soothingly.  “Remember your blood pressure.”

“Blood pressure, be damned.  I waited 70 years for this job and all it’s giving me is blood pressure.  I’ve a good mind to chuck it all in and take up stamp collecting.”

Ignoring this childish outburst, the queen turned again to Sir Clive.

“I think we need to handle this situation very carefully, Sir Clive.  The first thing we need to find out is whether Diana had any opportunity to hide herself away for several months while she produced a child. I would be surprised if she did; she was a great lover of publicity.  Second, we need to consider who might be the child’s father.  Dodie, perhaps?   Though there might be any number of potential sires.  I’m sure if you cast your net widely you would identify several candidates.

Then, of course, we need to look at the management of the crisis.  It’s imperative that we keep this from the press as long as possible.  Who knows what damage any leaking of this issue will do to the future of the monarchy.  For goodness sakes, don’t let the Daily Mail find out.

Oh, and the colonies!  What will Australia and Canada and all those other hangers-on think?  I’m told the republican movements in those countries are gearing up and this might just be the very thing to tip them over the edge.  It would be a disaster if Charles lost some of his dominions in the first year of his reign.  What are we going to do, Sir Clive?”

“Yes, your majesties, I can understand your concern.  However, might I draw your attention to today’s date?  As you can see, it is the first day of April, traditionally designated as April Fool’s Day.  I fear that the note you found on the king’s bedside table is no more than a foolish prank, instigated by some insignificant chamber maid.”

“Oh, Sir Clive, I knew we could depend on you.  Thank you!  On your way out, could you tell the maid that the King and I will have strong, black coffee this morning, instead of tea.  We need to steady our nerves.”