The Christmas Fairy

 

Today was the last of our Writing sessions for the year and we all presented our very short stories on the theme of Christmas.  As usual, some were better than others; I wrote on the topic of The Christmas Cat, drawing for inspiration on my Aunt Mabel’s evil Chino.  One of the other participants, who has some connection with Scotland, amused us all with a poem she had found:  The Christmas Fairy.

 

I am a little fairy
On tap o' the Christmas Tree
It's no' a job I fancy
Well how would you like tae be me?

Aw tarted up wi' tinsel
It's enough to mak ye boak
An’ a couple o' jaggy branches
Rammed up the back o' yer frock.

 

An' these wee lights a'roon me
I canna get ma sleep
An' there's the yearly visit
Fae Santa ......Big fat creep!

On Christmas Day A'm stuck up here
While you're a' wirin' in
An' naebody says, "Hey you up there
Could ye go a slug o' gin?

 

It's nae joke bein' a fairy
The job's beyond belief
You've got to go roon' the wean's beds
And lift their rotten teeth

But o' a' the joabs a fairy gets
An' I've mentioned only some
The very worst is sitting up a tree
Wi' pine needles up yer bum 

 

When a' the fairies meet again
By the light o' the silvery moon
Ye can tell the Christmas fairies
They're the wans that canna sit doon

The Christmas tree's a bonny sight
As the firelight softly flickers
But think o' me A'm stuck up here
Wi' needles in ma knickers.

 

So soon as Christmas time's right by
An' A stop bein' sae full o' cheer
A'll get awa back tae Fairyland
An' A'll see yous a' next year.