Friday, November 1

 I'm not sure I like Fridays.  It's the day our cleaning lady arrives and she might arrive as early as 7.15.  Today it was 11 o'clock before she turned up but we had to be up and ready in case it was our turn to be on the early shift.

There's no time for a shower; that will have to wait.  The bed has to be stripped and all the linen put in the washing machine.  When that's done, I can have my breakfast but there's no time for an omelette; I'm lucky if I get a slice of fruit toast.  And then we wait.  It's not the fault of the cleaner; she's given a list of people to attend to and, no doubt, everybody gets a turn at being first.  At Last, we hear a knock at the door and it'll only be an hour and we can get back to normal.

I've included my attempt at a fairy story.

IN SEARCH OF A HAPPY ENDING                                                SEPTEMBER 25, 2023

The Prince realised that things had started to become unstuck on their wedding day.  He was so used to being referred to as Prince Charming that he had forgotten that he would have to be married under his given name and Ella’s reaction when the celebrant intoned, “Do you, Algernon, take this woman ….?” was less than sensitive.  She could, at least, have saved her splutter of laughter until they were back in the privacy of the palace.  He would have been able to explain to her that Algernon was only a family name and he rarely used it, and then only for official documents.

Of course, his mother professed to love the name and insisted on using it whenever she  came to visit.  It was like a bludgeon to remind him that he was still her little boy and not the celebrated leader of the most prosperous kingdom on this continent.

“Algernon, it’s so lovely to see you, Algernon, and your lovely wife, er, umm Ella.  Come and give your mommy a big kiss, Algernon.  Mummy has been missing her favourite boy.”

Ella had been less than nice about Algernon’s relationship with his mother. Surely, the Prince thought, Ella should know that mothers often failed to realise that their little boys have to grow up some time.  It was not that he wasn’t up to the job of being Prince of this kingdom.  Oh, he was aware there were rumblings from the peasants but the Prime Minister seemed to be keeping those rumblings under control, at least for the time being.

And, anyway, Ella shouldn’t look so smug.  It hasn’t been that long since she was Cinderella and making her living cleaning the fireplaces of her betters.  It’s true, she has a pretty face but that’s not enough to warrant marrying a Prince of Royal blood and being able to live in the most luxurious palace in the kingdom.  She’s had no education, never read a book, can’t speak a word of any foreign language and is flummoxed by the questions on even the dumbest of quiz shows.

Oh, how nice it would be if we could have an intelligent conversation which didn’t include references to the Kardashians or the latest beauty treatment.

The real problem is that, since he brought Ella to live in the palace, she has been enjoying the lifestyle here just a little too much.  She’s probably never previously had three meals a day and, with the good living, she’s becoming just a bit too chubby.  He shuddered to think how she might look in five or even ten years from now.

‘Marry in haste, repent at your leisure,” his father used to say.  He used to add, “A truer word was never spoken,” and that’s the truth.

He heard a timid knock at the door and Ella walked in.  Her eyes were red and she was obviously upset.

“We need to talk,” she said.  “We’ve been married nearly six months and I’m beginning to think I made a mistake.  I think you took advantage of me, and coerced me into marrying you before I had a chance to think it through.  If I had known what a pompous, shallow, Mummy’s-boy you were, I would have never agreed to be your wife.”

“I want a divorce.  We can do this the easy way, or the hard way.  If you agree not to contest the divorce and make sure I have enough funds endowed on me to live a comfortable life somewhere else away from this stifling palace, the scandal should all blow over in a few months and I promise you’ll never hear from me again.”

“Or, if you choose to be difficult, I will make sure your name is dragged through the mud and, when I’m finished, you’ll be forced to abdicate and find another job.  I wonder how the peasants would feel if I told them how you like to spend your evenings playing hanky-panky with the scullery maids, or how you have regular deliveries of Class A drugs come to the palace.  After all, it’s their taxes which pay for these indulgencies.”

“Maybe you’d have to change your name from Prince Charming to Prince Alarming.  I think that’s a better description at the moment, don’t you?”

As is expected in the world of Fairy Tales, things are not always as they appear.  But, when reality rears its unwelcome head, the story-teller must always find a way to reach a happy ending.  That is the case in this story too.  You’ll be pleased to hear that Ella received all she asked for, Charming was able to continue his indulgencies, his mother had her darling boy all to herself, and they all lived happily ever after.